I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
