he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
