Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
