yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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