he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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