Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
