im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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