He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
