I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
