ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There r osticjed everywhere
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
