I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
