I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize