did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
