Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
