Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
