Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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