i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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