like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
