Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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