What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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