dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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