i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
