the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
