Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
