Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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