just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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