My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
