Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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