Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
