she told me i tasted like america
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will be naked everywhere
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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