It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize