Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
