You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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