What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
