grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The air taste purple.
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