When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
