he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
don't judge my taste in strippers
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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