I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
