I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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