I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
