you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
