Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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