HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize