I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Floor bacon is actually really good
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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