It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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