i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
