That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
