after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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