i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
