As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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