he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
