Will you blow on my dice?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize