When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You're like the curious george of whores
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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