You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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