If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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