Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
