you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
