youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
