From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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