Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
