sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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