I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
