I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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