Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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