Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
zippers are such a cool invention
You're earring is so big in my mouth
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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