i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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