i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
