i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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