Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
