I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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