I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
