ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
