yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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