I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
