I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't shave. On purpose
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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