literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize