I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
